SHOT DOWN - Well, at least I kind of saw it coming! **Contains STRONG Language**

22 Jul 2008 2:11

First, I am sorry for the language use, I am mainly typing what comes to mind without thinking (much). This contains some strong language so please don't read it if you will be offended.

Anyway, tonight I went on a "date" with Michelle, except it wasn't date, it was more of a hangout with just her and I. To put it blatantly it sucked. Here is the story:

So her and I decided to do something tonight, we decided to go "The Dark Knight" as she hasn't seen it yet. So, I went and picked her up from her place and we went over to the movie theater. I was totally in the dating mentality, i.e. I pay for all the shit that we do etc.,

Well we get up to the window to buy the tickets and she pulls out some money, I am like "Its cool, I've got it". She said "No, here is the money for my ticket". Well, that was strange but since I don't have a job (and she knows that) I thought "OK, whatever".

We get into the movie and, due to some body language coming from her, I don't try anything. However, I kept my hand out just in case but I didn't try to hold her hand or anything and thought "With the way things are going I am not even going to get a damn hug at the end of this"!

So we drove around a bit after the movie, trying to figure out what to eat, but we ultimately went to my place for a sec before heading to Jamba. Again, I didn't expect her to pay for the drink (and she didn't) but it was kind of iffy.

After we got the Jamba I thought "Fuck this, I am going to find out what the hell is bugging her"! So I tried to find a place we could talk in private before settling on going back to her place. It worked out good as we didn't have to drive too far and that way I could just leave when necessary.

So, we get there and talk to her parents (about school etc.) and I didn't get anything bad off them, although I haven't been around them much.

Well, after we finished the Jambas we went and talked for about ten minutes then I said "Well, its getting kind of late I should probably go" as she has work tomorrow. She then, almost immediately, said "We need to talk".

I thought "Holy shit! What did I do to you!?!" as she had just been giving bad vibes all night and I thought I did something to her without realizing it. Well, it wasn't anything I had done, as I asked her.

But we walked into the kitchen for a sec, only to have her sister come in for a drink, before I suggested my car would be a good, private place to talk about whatever was on her mind.

My initial thoughts ran from "Its about something her parents said, that we can't be friends for some ridiculous reason" to "Does she really have similar feelings as to what I do"? but that one was vanquished pretty quick when I thought about the body language she was showing throughout the date.

Finally, I thought "I don't care what it is, I will just let her talk/vent/scream at me".

So, we get in my car and almost right away she says "I am sorry to be kind of blunt but I think we should just be friends".

Well, I normally am a pretty relaxed and collected guy but I had pretty strong feelings for her up until those words left her lips and I really had to hold myself together. Sounds weird, especially after not seeing her for 18 months, but I just about lost it. Not in an angry way but more of a sad "girly" way.

To tell the blatant truth, I had to try very hard to fight back tears and a basic, non-extreme meltdown. I knew it wasn't going to help anything if I did breakdown but, even if she didn't mean to, it was like she grabbed the biggest mental steak knife she could find and stabbed me right in the very core of my heart.

Well, I kept (surprisingly) so calm and collected that she didn't even notice I was mentally distraught.

So, after this, she asked for my thoughts on it I said "That's fine, we can just be friends I guess". (Thinking "If she ment to mentally kill me, she did a great job"!)

Now, I put that "I guess" at the end on purpose to see if she got that she really hurt me but she didn't get it so I said "Can I be 100% honest with you for a second here"?

"Sure", she replied, "Well just to let you know, initially when you said "Lets just be friends" I just about died, it crushed my heart but after thinking about a few things I am not going to die". She kind of felt bad about it but I knew she would, which is why I almost didn't say it but I figured "Hell, if she wants to be friends she needs to know that it hurt me a lot when she laid down the "Lets be friends" talk.

Anyway, I don't have much else to say and after a few texts from a cousin of mine I don't feel bad about it at all. In fact, I don't even really have much of the angry feelings I had about the whole situation.

If you read this whole thing feel free to comment. Again, sorry about the language, I put the topic and initial line like they are so someone doesn't stumble to this and get freaked out by my choice of words.

Later

Tags: hurtblah 

List of my blog entries

• Unlocked door + alarm = running time! (06 Sep 2008)
• SHOT DOWN - Part Deuce (25 Jul 2008)
• The Dark Knight was pretty good! **DOES NOT CONTAIN SPOILERS** (18 Jul 2008)
• That really made my day awesome! (16 Jul 2008)
• Copyright laws are ridiculous! (10 Jul 2008)
• Phone + Washer = Dead Phone (28 Mar 2008)
• An Interview at CompUSA (15 Nov 2007)
• A new car! (15 Jul 2007)
• The ups and downs of life (07 Apr 2007)
• Work, Women and Trucks (05 Feb 2007)
• Dating is always good (17 Dec 2006)
• My current situations (11 Oct 2006)
• Back to school..................It kind of sucks (22 Aug 2006)
• Installing a Cart (28 Jul 2006)
• I have returned :) (23 Jul 2006)
• Hawaii - A nice break from it all (08 Jul 2006)
• The first entry (27 May 2006)

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