more research less war,,,our warped priorities

09 Mar 2006 5:07 (Edited: 09 Mar 2006 5:07)

As I write this my dad is dying. He is in a hospital, asleep and does not respond when they try to rouse him, nor has he for a couple of days now. It is the nature of Alzheimer's, kidney failure and the several other things wrong with him that he could die soon or could be stabilized enough to go back to the home and go through all of this again in the future. Considering he'll be 84 next month, had recently reached the point where he no longer showed that he recognized even my mom, was having increasing difficulty swallowing and the rest of his physical problems, I know the time to fight all of this is over. The issue now is and has been for awhile, how to keep him comfortable and what constitutes doing too much, doing procedures that only prolong life, not its quality, only add to the discomforts to be endured.
The longer term issues are left to those who will remain. The truth is we live in a country where billions of dollars are approved routinely to create ever more implements of war. No amount is too much as long as they can claim "security" or "fight terrorism". But schools must make do with too little. The average person struggles to find a way to get basic medical and dental care in this country. Programs that would help women and children, and therefore all people have a better life, both here and abroad see their funds taken away if they dare mention birth control or abortion. Research to find ways to prevent and treat diseases like Alzheimer's is not adequately funded. Celebrity names like Reagan for Alzheimer's and Reeve for spinal cord paralysis helped put these issues in the spotlight. but the Bush administration chooses to insert politics in these areas too. They are severely hampering stem cell research because of their religious superstitions. Somehow every tenet of Christianity can be thrown by the wayside when it comes to waging wars of profit and power. But when it comes to compassion for real existing living people, it is meaningless.

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User comments

by dsstrlght @ 09 Mar 2006 19:27

update Thursday evening. He opened his eyes and looked at my mom but baiscally every system in his body is in the process of shutting down bit by bit. I feel it is a good thing that all the family is together in agreeing that it is a good thing to let it happen and not be putting him through all sorts of treatments and procedures anymore that would only prolong physical life, not enhance its quality. There is no point to prolonging what at this point is not by any measure a life one would want to be living. It would be a much sadder thing to do so.
by dsstrlght @ 10 Mar 2006 20:47

Friday night. Just more of the same. Doctors say it's the body shutting down. We've had so long to know it's coming, bit by bit, hospital stay after hospital stay and the years and months of going away so it's not like it would be when you lose someone suddenly. The man we knew has mostly been gone for some time now. I think most people would understand what I mean when I say it's a quiet relief to know it's coming. I sure don't want anyone to ever have to go through that with me.
by brainstrm @ 11 Mar 2006 3:19

>:D<
by charlie8j @ 11 Mar 2006 7:21

I lost my father on September 11, 2001 to Cancer. He had a heart attack while undergoing radiation treatment for cancer. I have always wondered would he have lived longer and happier without all the cancer treatments. He just could not recover from the open heart surgery will all the treatments wearing him down. I have also wondered about the date of his death. He was awake and watching when the towers fell. It almost seemed like he saw that and just gave up the will to fight anymore. It is very hard to watch someone you love fight for life so my thoughts are with you and your family during this time. I felt the same with him, that the man I knew had been gone for awhile, but it was still maddening to me that he was dying and there was nothing we could do but watch.
by dsstrlght @ 11 Mar 2006 19:54

Thank you so much. I'm really starting to drag from all the stress and the hugs mean so much. I don't know how much longer I can do this working two jobs, working six days a week thing. It's very tiring. brainstrm, you're beyond wonderful. charlie, that has to have been a very hard blow to him and to you. I know you went through so much grief in the years before about your father, so I know you understand.
My big delay on the snow covered freeway made it too late for me to get out to the hospital today and still have any hope of getting to work at the studio on time so I had to postpone my going out there till tomorrow but I called my ex and had him take the kids and I guess he's had a lot of visitors today so he probably really didn't need even more people over there anyway today. He opens his eyes but the look of confusion in them says it all. He doesn't know them.
So tired. And now I have to go pick up the kids to spend the night with me while my ex goes out with his lady friend. Then see my dad and maybe still make it out to Santa Monica for the big anti war protest tomorrow. If there's anything left of me by then.
by dsstrlght @ 11 Mar 2006 19:57

Oh and did I mention the customers who showed up 20 minutes before closing time, had a very long photo shoot and then stayed an hour and a half past closing time to choose their pictures? The whole store was closed and locked by the time I got out of there and our studio is supposed to close an hour before the store does.
by brainstrm @ 11 Mar 2006 21:36

no fair >:D<
I hope you get to go to Santa Monica - that would be cool 8 )
by dsstrlght @ 11 Mar 2006 23:27

I don't know. It's already 1: 26 am and I'm only now getting home. GRRRR
by dsstrlght @ 12 Mar 2006 21:54

I did manage to do both today. I suppose eventually I'll be really tired but so far I'm holding up.
by dsstrlght @ 14 Mar 2006 4:14

really tired. He's still hanging on. The hospital put a feeding tube in his nose without asking my mom although they won't do the stomach tube without her permission and we said no to that. Still working on the hospice care at home options. My mom is talking about seeing if she can get a woman she had before to help but part of the reason he had to go into a home was that it was too much for the two of them.. they could not lift him or move him themselves. If he's going to go home for hospice care she needs to have caregivers that are strong enough to do those things. My sisters and I are working on her.
by brainstrm @ 14 Mar 2006 17:51

>:D<
by dsstrlght @ 14 Mar 2006 18:06

Progress today in that my mom interviewed a couple of different hospice care provider companies. We could have the feeding tube out if he went to hospice care either somewhere or at home. Besides not doing any good other than prolonging all this, apparently the additional liquids from this are contributing to the severe swelling in his limbs, from what we are being told. It is just not a good thing. She's hoping to get something figured out by the end of this week. He's back to being just asleep or looking without seeing. I am so tired. I really really really need a friend to stay with me and just be there. By the time I get home each day I can't even think about things like cooking or anything. Just someone to listen and be there. Is that so much to ask for? So exhausted.
by dsstrlght @ 15 Mar 2006 19:01

Update Wed. evening 3-15-06 We're moving my dad home on Friday morning and have a hospice care provider lined up. My brother in law and his brothers are very good. They and their friends never have to do anything alone because they will always pitch in to help out with something that needs to be done so it gets done easily and quickly. Today , they moved the big bed from my parents' bedroom into the front bedroom for my mom and set up one of her extra twin beds in the computer room (my old bedroom) for the caregiver. So tomorrow the company can bring in the hospital bed for my dad and the house is ready. My mom will have them take out the feeding tube before they bring him home. Marie had just gone back to Monterey day before yesterday, she is as I write this, several hours into driving back here again.
by emossuck @ 16 Mar 2006 16:09

UUUG what fun. poor aunt marie. how did she work that out with the paper?
by dsstrlght @ 16 Mar 2006 21:29

well so far she was off work mostly on Friday, Monday so the weekends made it longer.. I guess she brought her laptop now, but it is hard.

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