It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness

16 Jul 2006 16:57

Origin
A Chinese proverb - 'Don't curse the darkness - light a candle.' Used by Adlai Stevenson (1900-65), praising Eleanor Roosevelt in an address to the United Nations General Assembly in 1962 - 'She would rather light candles than curse the darkness, and her glow has warmed the world.' ( from [ link ]

I just loved looking one of my favorite sayings up in preparation for this blog and discovering that one of my all time heroines, Eleanor Roosevelt had been described this way. We all have our frustrations. Many of us who deal with people every day sometimes joke about hating people or put down the noobs who annoy us. Sometimes we have to put up with some pretty annoying stupidity, find ways to not let it get to us or take breaks from dealing with it. It helps to remind ourselves that we are all sometimes stupid noobs in some aspect of our lives. But it is also true that we all know people who spend way too much time cursing the darkness, hating people and then whining about how unhappy they are with life. I really believe that if each of us is not part of the solution, we are part of the problem.

Fear and selfishness are two huge factors behind a lot of the self created unhappiness in people�s lives. Some people are so afraid of other people that they approach every interaction with others from a strong need to control. Yes, when you extend trust and friendship to people you risk getting hurt. But when you don�t, the hostility of your attitude comes across. People pick up on the fact that you don�t trust or care about them. Your disrespect of the rights and feelings of others make you a very unpleasant person to be around. A control freak is hell to live with. Unfortunately, they are the last people to get why those around them can�t take it. It�s a lot easier to just lash out, announce you hate people and go on a self pitying binge about how unfair life is to you than to recognize that it takes way more than meaningless words to show people you care. It is a lifetime of actions that show you care.

I am the first to admit that I am far from perfect. But it is frustrating to live in a country where I know so many of the people are unhappy with the choices our government makes for us and how unwilling they were to actually do anything to work for change before the last election. It was so much easier to just sit and home and watch yet another movie on tv for the sixth or seventh time. I know; I took a 14 hour bus trip with other volunteers to New Mexico, slept on the floor and walked precincts all day for days to get the vote out but my friends stayed home. Some of them live in states where a small increase in the number of activists would have made a difference, but they are so used to assuming that their states are Republican, that they didn�t bother.

I have known several people who spent years showering their attention on their tv shows, pets, work or hobbies, making it very clear that their loved ones came in dead last in their priorities, then wondered why the love ended. They were very upset when, unlike the remotes for their tvs, they couldn�t just turn their relationships back on at their selfish command. They screamed, cried and blamed the victims instead of recognizing their own responsibility. Humans cannot be put on a shelf and just taken out and used whenever you feel like it, then left unloved and ignored whenever you don�t. Years of being told what to think and do with no regard for the need for compromise and teamwork make it clear to a person when they are being used selfishly instead of being treated as a cherished, equal partner in a loving relationship. It is so easy to curse the darkness and expect the world to pity you, when the inevitable happens.

List of my blog entries

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness

List of my blog entries

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