Mobile/PDA About Us Advertise here
User User name Password  
  Not registered yet? Register here.
Lost your password? Click here. 		 
  Home   News   Guides   Downloads   Glossary   Hardware   Profiles   Forums  
 User profiles home     Create your own profile!     List of all user profiles     Advertise here
Saturday 28.11.2009 / 11:08 PM
Search AfterDawn.com:        In English   Suomeksi   På svenska
afterdawn.com / profiles / deepskystarlight / blog archive / vote no against hate and hypocrisy. protect real marriages. no on 8. /
Home Blog Pictures Shoutbox Links

Vote No against Hate and Hypocrisy. Protect Real Marriages. No on 8.

20 Oct 2008 0:23

There is an ad against Proposition 8 running right now in California that makes me ashamed of some of my fellow Californians. The announcer, in a tone clearly intended to incite fear and hatred, declares ominously, “It’s no longer about tolerance!” The message of the ad is that if we don’t vote for Proposition 8, and overturn the right to gay marriages in California, that “real” marriage will be threatened in some way. Somehow people will be sued and legally forced to accept gay marriages, even if they oppose it on “moral” grounds.

It brings to mind images like George Wallace standing at the schoolhouse doors blocking the children and the kind of racist hate mongers who even this very day spread caricatures of Obama that belong in the abandoned cesspools of 19th century racism.

An awful lot of very bigoted, closed minded, hypocrites hide behind the socially sanctioned veneer of “morality” to justify their hatefulness. I remember the pain I felt when I knew I had lost a friend to that kind of brainwashing after high school. Until then, despite being raised in a very strict “Christian” family, she still was open minded enough to be my friend. But her parents sent her to Bob Jones University and when she came back on her first vacation, she tried earnestly to explain to me that it was completely moral and just that students were not allowed to date black people, because God himself had cursed Noah’s son’s descendants with blackness because his son had seen his nakedness. In the words of Bill Cosby, Riiiiiiiiight! Some people will hide behind the name of God to justify any kind of discrimination against the people their own God would embrace as being just as much his children as they are. I guess being part brown would make me semi cursed?

Since the people shrieking the loudest about overturning gay marriage are so called “Christians”, let’s explore this further. This flawed thinking really applies to all marriages. An awful lot of people who scream the loudest about defending marriage like to hide behind the phrase, “protecting the sanctity of marriage.” They also like to invoke Jesus a lot. Ok, so let’s not take someone else’s word for Jesus. Better to go directly to the source and see what the man actually said instead of what human created organizations interested in controlling human behavior said he said. When you actually go to the source, you find it really doesn’t matter if you’re a Christian or not. If you’re listening to what Jesus was really saying, the answer will be the same. Jesus wasn’t about forcing anyone to be anyone’s victim. He wasn’t about image, he was about real love. That message remains true whether or not he was divine or just a human being with some good ideas.

Jesus didn’t care about image. He wasn't big on titles or social labels. He cared about reality and about what was really in people’s hearts. He didn’t look at the externals. He wanted to know if their actions truly came from love. He had some of his harshest criticisms for people who made a big deal of how moral or pious they were in front of other people, while totally missing the spirit of love. These are the same kind of people who today, would point to a marriage certificate between a man and a woman and use it as proof that they had a good marriage. No matter whether there was any real love there or not. No matter how dysfunctional or abusive it might be. No matter how scared, hopeless or unhappy one or both people were. If a ceremony was performed between that man and woman, it must be something special, and they must fight to the death to force it to remain, even if it kills them. Even if they must resort to very unloving actions to retain control.

There are incredibly beautiful love stories out there. There are people who belonged together, who had their good and bad days, but who are and were so good for and to each other that a years long relationship works. Not the kind that has just externally survived years while dying excruciating deaths privately, not the kind that only presents the façade of success to the world, but the real thing. That is how we should define a true marriage. When people come together willingly and stay together willingly not out of social, financial, religious or abusively controlling reasons, but because it Really works. And because both people really want to be there.

When we stop trying to impose our will on other people and allow the ones who really live the spirit of love together, we can not only be open-minded enough to give and accept love, but have the humility to understand that we all deserve that right. Whether we see each other as fellow human beings on this earth or sons and daughters of a God who is and invented love, who are we to deny the happiness of a life together to a couple that loves each other? If two men, two women or a man and a woman love each other and belong together, who are we to stand in judgment of that and prevent it? If two people make each other desperately unhappy, who are we to stand in judgment and force them to stay together merely because someone’s little fairy tale view of life says that the only way life is supposed to work is that a man and a woman meet, they fall in love and there must be a happily ever after, no matter what? And that the happily ever afters are only reserved for heterosexual couples? There is way too much judgmental nosiness going on about other people’s relationships by people that do not know the real truth about those relationships and who have absolutely no business sticking their noses into or judging them anyway.

I have met some gay people that are so obnoxious that they make it very hard to support their right to be gay. But I have encountered just as much obnoxiousness from straight people. There are gay couples with beautiful loving relationships and some who couldn’t keep a relationship going for a week if you paid them. I have known straight couples whose marriages really worked, ones that didn’t and ones who wasted years desperately trying to project false images of success to the outside world while destroying each other horribly. No gender or combination has a lock on getting it right or wrong. Instead of promoting hypocrisy and hatred, we ought to be doing more to allow those who belong together, gay or straight to marry and support the real spirit of marriage. The kind of marriage that deserves support should never be determined by any other questions than these—is there real love there between both people? Does this really work for them? Let those who belong, be together. Let those who don’t, go, and find peace with someone they can love. The real Jesus would. Why can’t we?

****************

One of the tactics used by people who promote ballot propositions like this is that they will make it tricky to figure out what a yes or no vote means.

In this case, if you vote yes on 8, you are taking an existing right to marriage away from gay people. You are saying no to equal civil rights under the law.

If you vote no on 8, you are saying no, don't change the law. Let people continue to have equal rights. Let love prevail for everyone.

 

List of my blog entries

User comments

  • by Evastar @ 21 Oct 2008 7:06

    Very well written and well thought out article :)

  • by cactuscat @ 22 Oct 2008 14:56

    Evastar is right. You are an excellent writer and whether or not I agree with you, I've enjoyed reading your blogs since I stumbled on the beautiful tribute you wrote about your dad when I was web-surfing on the subject of Alzheimers. (My mom had it and like your dad, she lost her shyness as the disease progressed. She also forgot about how she distrusted others and although this sounds strange, as time went on she seemed happier than she was at many times before she was ill. It is just unfortunate that it took this disease to make her smile and laugh. In her last year of life she was semi-vegatative - it was a good day if she opened her eyes so I underastand the fear you had about your dad going on to that stage. I just hope that neither of them suffered too much.)

    Back to the subject at hand . . .

    I happen to agree with you on Prop. 8. I was in an inter-racial relationship for over 20 years and the thought that not very long ago our government could tell me that I could not see my former boyfriend because our skin colors did not match makes me very angry. Both our getting together and our breakup happened for reasons having nothing to do with being an inter-racial couple - no different from any other relationships. I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man of the same race. Again, race has nothing to do with our relationship.

    My personal experience with an inter-racial relationship is one reason I am against prop. 8. The other is a fear of legislating anyone's religious beliefs. We live in a wonderful country that allows people to freely practice the religion (or lack thereof) of their choice. If someone's religion does not allow same-sex relationships than so be it. But no one's religion should be forced on others. If prop. 8 passes then what other beliefs will be made into law? Terrible things are happening in those countries that take their religion to the extreme. I see absolutely no threat to anyone if gays and lesbians can continue to marry. Love is a beautiful thing - regardless of who is in love.

    I'd also like to comment on the brainwashing aspect of religion. I was brought up in a home where questioning of anything, religious or otherwise, was strongly discouraged. I don't hold any anger toward my parents because I believe they did what they thought best. However, unless a person is able to separate themselves from that environment they will continue to parrot whatever they've been told without understanding WHY - it's just the way it is. In my home, religious issues were to be taken at face value because we had to have faith. Anything that didn't make sense would be explained to us when we got to heaven. We were discouraged from making friends at school because they would be a bad influence. We were told that wearing clothes or having hairstyles that were in fashion at the time was a sin because the Bible said not to be of the world. And of course, the obey your parents. . . verse covered anything my parents wanted it to. I felt a lot of guilt because I could never be good enough at home. And not being able to fit in at school was very difficult. (I feel so bad for the student in Acton who killed himself yesterday after being bullied.) I wanted to do what was right but that is so hard when you can't question and find out WHY something is right.

    When I moved out on my own, it was a bit of a culture shock. But it was good to be able to take a step back and see things from a different perspective. I learned that there a lot of good people of many religions - even people who don't practice any religion. I was able to interact with people of different nationalities and tried wonderful foods I had never before eaten and learn about other cultures beyone what I read in a textbook.

    Looking back, I could see things I did not like in those who were loudest about their religious beliefs. Yes, I know that there are many good religious people out there but they seem to practice more quietly. Except for weddings and funerals, I have not set foot in a church for probably 25 years. I don't pretend to have any answers for the great questions of life. I just try to treat people as I would want to be treated though even that can be difficult sometimes!

    Another reason for my writing this is to try to give another perspective on some of the people who are so intolerant of others. They may not know better - especially those like me who were sheltered from the outside world. It is sad when the hatred or lack of acceptance is passed on from one generation to the next and while it is not right I can understand how it happens.

    You spoke very eloquently here about the need for people to get along and accept our differences.

    Sorry to ramble on for so long but your blog touched on a lot of things. Keep up the great writing!

Post your comment

In order to post your comments here, you need be logged in to our system. Simply follow this link in order to login and to post your comments here.

Digital video: AfterDawn.com | AfterDawn Forums
Music: MP3Lizard.com
Gaming: Blasteroids.com | Blasteroids Forums | Compare game prices
Software: Software downloads
Blogs: User profile pages
RSS feeds: AfterDawn.com News | Software updates | AfterDawn Forums
International: AfterDawn in Finnish | AfterDawn in Swedish | download.fi
Navigate: Search | Site map
About us: About AfterDawn Ltd | Advertise on our sites | Rules, Restrictions, Legal disclaimer & Privacy policy
Contact us: Send feedback | Contact our media sales team
 
  © 1999-2009 by AfterDawn Ltd.